17 May 2016

the gratitude challenge // week ten

Welcome to another week of The Gratitude Challenge! I'm writing about one thing I'm grateful for, every week for one year. Check out previous weeks here.

Good morning! I'm writing to you from the comfort of a ridiculously soft hotel bed in Niagara on The Lake. A happy confluence of circumstances has allowed me to come to my midwifery association's annual conference. First professional conference! Such adult! I'm having a lovely time and doing very adult things like drinking free wine and networking. Okay, let's get into it: gratitude challenge time! Last week I talked about why the gratitude challenge was worth doing (and continuing.) This week's topic is 5 Things Your Grateful For About Yourself, which is probably coming at a good moment considering how down on myself I have been feeling lately.
Okay, real talk: that list took me longer to come up with than I care to admit. Self-gratitude is kind of tough...but I think that makes it more important. Writing this post brought to mind a quote I am sure you are familiar with: 
the longest relationship of your life is the one you have with yourself, so make it a good one
Amen. If you don't appreciate yourself, how will you know when others do? #TheRealQuestionsOfLife. On that note, here are five things I am grateful for about myself:

1. I am grateful that I love to read and am able to do so with ease.

2. I am grateful that I know how and love to cook (feeding yourself is p great, in case you haven't heard)

3. I am grateful that I have a steady hand with a nail polish brush #manicuresathome

4. I am grateful that I have unique tastes and interests. Doctor Who! David Bowie! Bunnies! Midwifery! They all make me who I am. 

5. I am grateful that I have unruly and reckless curly hair. As my friend Emily one told me "You wouldn't be Syd without that curly hair"

Feeling grateful for yourself is a bit of a weird thing to consider, and certainly not a habit I have cultivated, but I think on some level it's a good one to get into. Gratitude helps us appreciate what is already in front of us and though it may feel egotistical/self-centred/selfish/[insert your preferred term here], each of us probably (hopefully! Definitely!) has lots to feel grateful for about ourselves, right?! Think about how many great people you know, I bet there are lots! Wouldn't you wish for them to see how truly awesome they are? Self-gratitude can be a gift...an awkward one, but a gift none the less. So go do it!!! I believe in you!

Until next time, xo

image via Unsplash

13 May 2016

the problem with the red shoes

Here's a thing I've learned this week: It is really quite difficult to find a pair of red shoes.
For those non-midwifery readers (bless your hearts) graduating in red shoes is a midwifery tradition. There has been much discussion over the years about what type of shoes to buy for the Big Event, but now that it's come down to it...it's proving to be a bit of a problem. 
One might think that it would be easy to locate a set of red shoes. But it's not. There are a lots of reasons why this is the case (the store doesn't carry my size, heel too high, not the right shade of red) but the real crux of the problem is it's reminding me of a bigger reality: impending graduation without a job. Which, to put it bluntly, feels kind of shit. Okay it feels really shit.
I have my moments of zen where I realize that everything is, in fact, okay and I'm okay and much like toddlers will not grow into adults who aren't potty trained, I will not remain unemployed forever. I actually had a bit of a good run after I cried into my eggs a few weeks back; I felt like I could handle the unemployedness. I would approach it with grace and an understanding of my privilege. But this red shoes thing is really bugging me. I assumed I would be excited about buying a new pair of shoes! Red ones! But, the reality is that buying the shoes is akin to admitting defeat.

I've been casually browsing part-time job postings, because girlfriend needs money and something to fill her time with, but that's also given me a series of depression-induced headaches. It feels so spectacularly shitty to have worked so hard for four years, to have seen the things I have seen and done the things I've done, only to be left with the option of becoming a barista at Starbucks. What the hell, universe! This feeling is following me around into each shoe store I walk into. Each shelf I shoes I look over reminds me of where I've been and what I now can't seem to be able to do. I start to think about this long enough and I start running circles in my own mind: why did I think I could become a midwife? Why didn't I think harder about this? How come I feel so unsatisfied and frustrated? Did I fail? That's kind of the big question: did I fail? Intellectually I know that I didn't, but in my soft center...it kind of feels like I have. And that too, sucks the big one. 
The other side of this problem is that I don't really know quite what to do with all these feelings. Where do I put them? How do I process them? What is the next thing that I need to tackle in order to move on? It's frustrating as hell. Maybe I'm just twenty six and whiny and unemployed like everyone else I know...but that doesn't really make me feel better. Apparently all I'm doing is pinning ridiculous inspirational quotes in hopes that one of them will jolly me out of this funk. Spoiler: that hasn't worked. 
Okay, so what if my fears were confirmed? That maybe I did, in some respects, fail? Maybe that's just part of how this all works. Maybe I just need to buy some damn shoes and walk across that stage with my head held high because look at what I've accomplished! Look at what I've seen and what I've done! What a totally insane four years of life! I'm gong to celebrate that, with my toes happily ensconced in red patent leather, because that's what midwives do. 

Thanks for reading, dudes. Have a great weekend. Until next time, xo

(FYI I am absolutely not working at Starbucks)

image via Unsplash

10 May 2016

internet stuff for reading enjoyment

Hi friendies! Happy Tuesday to you! How are you on this beautiful sunny day? I'm enjoying some free wifi at this rad new(ish) cafe/comic book shop. I'm taking the afternoon to attempt to organize my life a little bit. I've relaxed quiiite a bit since moving home and finishing exams...maybe a bit too much. Perhaps spending a bit too much time on Pinterest. Gonna get back on that old bandwagon, or whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing. On a positive note I went for a run today and was reintroduced to my long lost friend Underboob Sweat. Also foot blisters! Does anyone else have the lovely problem of all their shoes giving them blisters for the first half of summer? No, just me? Okay. Cool. Me and my sweaty boobs and blistery feet will just be over here having allll the fun. And reading stuff on the internet! So I can share it with you! Here's some stuff I found during my internet travels this week I thought was cool. Have a good one, dudes. 

what do you think about a 7 minute rule?

who wants to come over this week for a pitcher of Grapefruit Ginger Bourbon Sours

dudes I'm v into this brunch idea: breakfast boards!

spring has sprung and it's officially bike season again! Here's a few tips and tricks for tuning up your own bike

I've been doing a fair amount of these lately: 15 easy things to do when you feel like shit

a great question: what can we do better for ourselves this week?

virtue vs character

I liked Eden's post about things she's complained about that she should feel grateful for instead
I made this chickpea tikka masala last night and it was V Good. Like, so good. You should make it tonight.

PS some posts you might like 10 Free (or Cheap) Things to do in Toronto This Summer, Kentucky Mules and Make Your Own Iced Coffee at Home 

photo by me  

3 May 2016

the gratitude challenge // week nine

Welcome to another week of The Gratitude Challenge! I'm writing about one thing I'm grateful for, every week for one year. Check out previous weeks here

Oh hello blog friends! Remember this thing? The Gratitude Challenge. I had such big plans! Write all the things! Feel all the grateful feels! Once a week! Well, ha ha ha. That obviously didn't work out. Week Nine of this little challenge is supposed to be a check in week, to see how I'm doing with the challenge. Frankly I'm doing terribly with it. I'm ignoring it, not doing it. The last post I wrote was a month ago. Ooops. Why did I stop writing? Probably because there was a lot going on and I was finding it hard to sit in that place where gratitude feels real and fills you up. Probably because it felt like I was struggling and it was more satisfying to ignore all the things that were going well and instead dwell on what was going wrong, what was missing, what I didn't have. Vicitimizing ourselves is fun, isn't it? To play woe is me and pretend like there aren't a bazillion amazing things about our lives. But, as the saying goes, it's like eating junk food: it feels good in the moment but you pay for it later. So enough of that garbage. I may not have a midwifery job yet and I may be living at home but holy shit do I have a rad life. I have love and support and shelter and food and a sense of well being. That is a lot to be grateful for. So here's the part where I strongly recommit to completing The Challenge and writing once a week.

Or something like that. I'll figure it out. Gratitude is good.

Stay rad. Until next time xo

image via Unsplash